Is Her Job More Important Than Him?
Q: My fiancée and I have been living together for three years. Recently she started looking for a better job. I asked her to try companies only in our area, but she has an interview in another state coming up. I don't want to move, and I don't think I could transfer my job there. She says she has to check it out because it would be good for her career. Am I being selfish if I don't agree with her? I feel like she's not committed to me because she's acting like it's no big deal if she gets a job far away. She's kind of refusing to talk about it. Should I take this as a sign that we shouldn't get married? Or should I start looking for jobs in the same places she's looking? —Drew, 32
Dr. Susan: Her refusal to talk about something as important as where you'd both live is definitely a sign that something is wrong between the two of you. She's either taking you for granted, or using this interview as a test. If she's testing herself, fine. If she's testing you to see if you'll follow her no matter what, then you'll have to decide how much you want to be with her. A committed couple who have been living together for three years needs to be able to make decisions that are agreeable to both of you. She must discuss this with you rather than leave you hanging about what her priorities actually are.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.