The Exhausting Search for Love
Q: Is it possible to look too hard for love? They say dating is a numbers game and I've been on probably hundreds of first dates. To be honest, it's kind of exhausting at this point. Should I take a break and hope I find love "when I least expect it," or is love something you have to keep searching for? --Marco, 36
Dr. Susan: Love turns up in any number of ways. Certainly you increase the odds if you're open and flexible and get yourself out there to meet people. Hundreds of first dates seems like a lot. I wonder if a lot of those dates have anything in common. Did you choose them because of looks only? Maybe you wouldn't be so exhausted if you were a little choosier about who you go out with, and then maybe slightly less picky with those you do date. I mean, talk to them first, get to know them a bit before you think of it as a "date."
Something else to think about is what exactly you mean by love. It doesn't always strike like an arrow from Cupid. At times it sneaks up on you after knowing a person for some time. Take a short break, sure. Then if you really do want an intimate partner, keep looking.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.