She Goes All Out for the Thrills
Q: My girlfriend likes adventures. When we first went out, she liked to ride roller coasters and so did I. Now she keeps trying newer things and expecting me to go too. We did white water rafting and parasailing. Now she is really pushing me to go rock climbing, but I'm not into it. I work hard and just want to relax when I get home. Plus I don't really want to take all these chances for a thrill. I'm fine doing everyday things. I don't know if I should ask her to stop taking these risks or just to leave me out of it. Maybe I need to start thinking about finding a new girlfriend. I'm not sure what to do. - Ben, 38
Dr. Susan: I feel your pain! Some people take greater and greater risks for more intense thrills, and some of us (the saner ones!), aren't willing to go there. Seems to me you have gone along with most of her adventures. Rock climbing isn't something you can do casually without some training and equipment. If she wants to do it, fine, but you shouldn't feel pressured if it's not your thing. Your decision may depend on what she takes up next. If that, too, is an activity you're not interested in joining, and you maybe even worry about her safety while she does it, than you should consider whether the two of you have enough in common to be a couple.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.