Muscular Guy Feels Unseen
Q: This sounds like bragging, but it's a real problem. I lift weights and have some bulky muscles. Women like that. That's cool, but I get tired of talking about my body building all the time. They want to know how much I work out, where I work out, how long I've been lifting weights. A lot of girls ask if I can lift them over my head. It gets old. I try to talk about other things like my job and what interests her, but she always goes back to hanging on my arms and touching my chest. I know I shouldn't complain but… How can I get a girl to see more? -- Stephan, 28
Dr. Susan: I never would have guessed that there are "a lot of girls" who would focus only on the details of your muscular build. Couldn't you just wear clothes that are less revealing until you get to know a girl better? Are you meeting these girls only at the gym? Try widening your field so you meet people who aren't obsessed with body shape. Of course, you can always try saying, "My routine isn't very interesting to talk about. Wouldn't you rather get to know each other better? Like, by talking about ... ANYTHING but my muscles?" By the way, they're more likely "to see more" if there's more to you than what they can't help but see. In other words, spend more time developing all the parts of yourself rather than just your big muscles.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.