She Slept with a Friend
Q: I have been with my girlfriend for about three months, and we were friends before that. During that period of friendship, we started sleeping together without any talk of commitment. What's bothering me is that I later found out she slept with another guy friend the very day after she first slept with me. Of course this hurt in some way, but I knew we were just friends then. As we started seeing more of each other, it became apparent that we wanted more than just friendship. I have noticed that the closer I get to her, the more this incident bothers me. Is this normal? What should I do? -- Chip
Dr. Susan: Funny how that works: it's fine for you to sleep with a "friend," but when she sleeps with yet another friend, you're disturbed. I'm not surprised though. As much as people think they're modern and casual about sex, once they start getting intimate, they often want to be the only one who has this same intimacy with their lovers. Are your feelings normal? Sure. But it comes with the territory of sleeping around without commitment. You have no claim on her fidelity before the two of you became a genuine item. The best way to deal with this is to let her know that monogamy is crucial to you from here on out. As for the past, the mature thing to do is to put it behind you.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.