Shy Guy Seeks Same
Q: I want to know how to get over being so lonely. I can't seem to stop wishing for a great woman in my life, but I can't figure out how to get that. I was married once for two years, but it didn't work out. I'm a pretty shy and quiet guy. I have a good job and a nice place. But people at work aren't so friendly and I don't go out much to meet new people. My sister says I need to get out there more. I tried online dating, but nothing seems to go anywhere. How can a shy guy like me meet a good woman to be with? -- Jamal, 56
Dr. Susan: I feel for you. Years of loneliness can be so wearing on your spirit. Your sister is right, though, that wishing won't get you anywhere. You have to get out more. You said that online dating didn't work for you, but perhaps you gave up too soon or tried the wrong site or had an uninteresting profile. It only takes one good match, even though you may get a number of matches and dates that lead nowhere. Also, the sites that are free are notorious for attracting a large number of liars and people who aren't that serious. Try one of the sites you pay for and see if that doesn't screen out the non-serious women.
It's also time to perhaps take a class in something new (a subject that might interest women), or join a club or group in one of your interests. You need to develop a more interesting self in order to feel good and attract interesting people. Start by making a list of all possible interests and zero in on a couple of new ones to try. Don't let your shyness keep you home. There are shy women out there just like you, and there may be someone more extroverted who will find your quietness intriguing. You must make yourself available.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.