No Time for Wedding Planning
Q: I recently got engaged to my long-term girlfriend. Part of the reason I waited so long to pop the question was because I am currently in law school and felt that planning a wedding was just too much work. After a few years of dating, my girlfriend began accusing me of not being seriously committed if we don't get married. I proposed and it was very nice and romantic. But now she and her family are all gung-ho about planning the wedding and I really want to have nothing to do with it. My fiancée keeps showing me things and wants me to visit all these halls to start booking things but I am STILL much too busy. I am worried that if I tell her to leave me out of it, she won't think I am serious about marrying her. I am. But I am a very busy law student!-David, 26
Dr. Anna: Getting married is a big commitment. A marriage and a wedding ceremony are two very separate things! Assuming you do feel ready for the work and commitment that a good marriage will take, then try this. Sit down together and tell her exactly what you've written here. Tell her you trust her judgement and would prefer if she made the decisions for this event. She might be relieved you don't want to be involved, or she might be hurt, or she might be angry, or anything in between. The only way to find out is to tell her and then work through the rest together. Good relationships are built on openness and communication! If you want a happy marriage, your best bet is to start practicing that now.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.