Not Ready to Settle
Q: I have been playing the field over the past year. I would like to have kids but not right now, as I'm still developing my career. Most of the women I am dating are nice women, but they are wanting to get married and have kids pretty quickly. When I express some hesitation, they don't want to go any further. How can I answer this question honestly without turning them away? -James, 31
Dr. Anna: If you're at that age when it seems like everyone is trying to settle down for marriage and kids, it can be hard to find likeminded people to date. It's better to be honest up front. If you're not ready to settle down, just make sure your dates know from the start. If a woman turns away when she figures out you're not ready to settle down, probably better to view this as lucky. Do you want to be with someone who is constantly pushing you for something you're not ready for? It might narrow your dating options a bit, but you're probably going to be happier dating people who can accept your current feelings and priorities.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.