Date Still Using Tinder
Q: I met a girl a few weeks back on Tinder. We both used the service because we weren't exactly looking for anything serious. Just "friends with benefits." We have been hanging out quite a bit and doing things serious couples would do. I even helped her dad move out of his apartment. Recently we went on a romantic date. While at the dinner table, I see her using her phone and it looks as though she's "swiping." She starts laughing and when I ask her what's so funny, and she shows me a picture of some guy on Tinder whom she finds funny looking. I could not share in the laughter because my blood was boiling. After all this time hanging out, why is she still using Tinder? When I jokingly asked if she still uses Tinder, she nonchalantly answered, "Just for fun and to make fun of people." Should this concern me? -Noah, 32
Dr. Anna: Yes, it should concern you. Using Tinder while on a date with you was disrespectful and rude. It sounds like things started out more casual, but you're feeling lately it's been more serious. If you really want a steady relationship with her, it's worth bringing up how her behavior made you feel and figure out together some ground rules for time together. For example, it's reasonable to ask someone not to browse dating apps during your time together. If you are ready to move on, then probably best to do so sooner rather than later.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.