Ex Makes Him Nervous
Q: My girlfriend of five years (who I plan on marrying) has recently reconnected with an ex-boyfriend. They dated well over ten years ago, and he has since come out as gay. He recently broke up with his boyfriend and was feeling lonely and sad, and he reached out to a few old friends, one of them being my current girlfriend. I met him the other day and he looks like if Ryan Gosling cloned himself. I won't lie, he's very handsome. Since their reconnection they have been hanging out. A lot. And they do lots of "girlie" stuff, which I wouldn't want to do anyway. But there's just something that doesn't sit right with me. I mean, they dated ten years ago! Should I be worried that my future wife may be leaving me for Ryan Gosling's twin? -Robert, 35
Dr. Anna: The foundation of a good relationship is open and honest communication. Have you discussed your feelings with your girlfriend yet? Some level of questioning is natural. Does she still express interest in you? Is she being open and honest about her activities with him? If she is hiding or sneaking around, that's a bad sign. Listen to your gut, here, but also talk to her! It's okay to admit a bit of insecurity, but she can't help you with that if she's not aware of it. Perhaps you could go along on some outings with them and make an effort to befriend him too. You'll be able to better understand their friendship and also reassure yourself that nothing's changed between you and your girlfriend.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.