Women Rush Marriage
Q: Every woman I have had a relationship with has wanted to get married to me within 6 to 8 weeks of our meeting. Why can't I find one who wants to find out what a relationship with me is like before making a long term commitment? Am I attracted to the wrong type of woman or am I doing something wrong?
Dr. Susan: Let me reassure you about one thing: if it's genuinely the case that everyone you date for a few weeks wants to marry you, you must be doing something right. After all, what could be so terrible about so many women being crazy about you! But, of course, I understand your question to be more along the lines of how do you get these potentially terrific women to slow down and give YOU time to decide about them. Reading between the lines, I see another possible problem: when they mention commitment, you run. Or else surely you'd still be with one or another of them. Or is it that THEY run because you won't commit that soon?
It's quite possible that you're attracted to needy women who need rescuing, women who, once they fall in love with you, can't imagine being on their own again. Perhaps you could make a real effort, the next time you consider dating someone seriously, to determine whether she can stand on her own feet and won't grab onto you too tightly too soon. The signs are probably there early on: how does she react when you want to spend time alone or with your friends, without her? Try it. If she panics, maybe she's going to be one of the overly dependent ones who thinks marriage will solve all her problems. And for you, I'd suggest you practice saying, "I care for you too much to commit this soon. I take marriage VERY seriously, so let's get to know one another for both our sakes!" Good luck.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.