Co-Workers Having Affair
Q: I have a co-worker who has been having an affair with another co-worker of mine. Everyone I work with knows about it but there was no proof. Last week we found proof. We have instant messaging at work, and the two involved in the affair were using this to set up times and talk about the sex. One day my computer was down and I used hers, and that's when I stumbled across these files and opened them. I copied them to disk and walked away. These files contain the conversations between the couple, including dates, times, positions, everything. She is now seven months pregnant and the times match up so that the co-worker might be the father. Should I say something? -- Johnny
Dr. Susan: Aside from normal curiosity about how other people are messing up their lives, what is your real interest in this office affair? Is one of the people married, and do you know the spouse? Has your boss asked you to come up with proof of how this couple is fooling around and not working? Has their affair impacted your life or your working conditions in some way? Are they a big distraction to everyone in the office? Before you say anything to anyone, get clear on what you hope to accomplish. Because it's not your business, so far as I can see. The pregnant woman surely knows who the father is if she wants to go after him for child support. While it's tempting to let it be known that you know a secret, first determine whether your speaking up would actually help anyone.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.