She Won't Divorce
Q: I've been dating a married woman for two and a half years and she's been separated from her husband for four years. She stays overnight and our love is great and we really connect in every aspect, but she won't get a divorce and her ex won't divorce her. She is very religious and believes women shouldn't divorce their husbands. I know, you must be thinking, "She's religious and she's sleeping around?" Is this worth it? I need resolution. -- Brent
Dr. Susan: Resolution on this one is going to have to come from inside yourself. Your married (and hypocritical) lady friend has shown you clearly how much she's willing to give. Divorcing her husband and marrying you isn't an option if she insists it isn't. You might go on the way you are indefinitely, with a temporary part-time lover. Or you can look elsewhere for something more satisfying and complete. Sounds like she's drawn her line in indelible ink. After all, if she's been separated for four years, she's not exactly married anymore anyway. I know that certain religions supposedly don't let you divorce, but what she's doing doesn't make any sense. I'd say she's confused about what women should and shouldn't do. What if her guilt about sleeping with you begins to haunt her, and she walks out on you to ease her conscience? Not that you ever have any guarantees, but with her, it can't ever be more than day by day.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.