His Girlfriend Likes Girls
Q: I just found out that my girlfriend wants a break from me because she likes girls. We have been dating for almost two years and last week everything went wrong. Today, I offered to visit to talk to her face to face and she said that she didn't feel like it. However, when I suggested that I was headed to a neighboring town to take care of some business, she became highly upset because she thought that I was going to see a woman that she did not like. I don't know what happened to us and I don't know how this relationship will last. -- Sean, 40
Dr. Susan: How this relationship will last?! She likes girls. What more do you need to know? You can't take "breaks" from relationships to try out other people and other genders unless that was one of the ground rules you set up at the start, or unless both partners agree to a new, more permissive rule. Agreeing takes talking. The fact that she doesn't feel like talking to you is a big red warning light (as if liking girls weren't enough). I bet everything wasn't as hunky-dory between the two of you all along as you believed they were. It's much more likely that your girlfriend has been having second thoughts for a while, but just now had the courage to make the announcement that she wants a "time-out." You have a choice to make: Are you one of those men for whom lesbian relationships don't "count"? Some guys are willing to have their female lovers fool around with women, but not with other men. (I'm not suggesting that this doesn't present plenty of problems.) Unless that describes you, run for the hills. Now. It will upset her. So what? She has certainly upset you. I don't see her as good relationship material, at least not for you.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.