Hot for Sister-in-Law
Q: I have been married for 7 years and I love my wife very much. Yet for the past 2 years, I've come to find her sister very attractive. My wife and I have had our problems but we worked them out, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. At some point I felt like her sister likes me too, although she has never expressed that. What should I do to get rid of these feelings or am I with the wrong person, or is this just lust? -- Antonio, 31
Dr. Susan: Your wife's sister probably has a few of the traits that you love in your wife, without all the baggage you've accumulated over the years in your marriage. And wonder of wonders, she's nearly within reach. Hold on, there, Antonio. Put almost any straight man near almost any woman, and eventually (if not immediately) he's going to feel some attraction towards her. Yes, as part of you already knows, it's just lust. Your interest in your wife's sister does not mean you're with the wrong person! There are at least two ways to get rid of those feelings: spend less time with your wife's sister or more time with her. But do not spend alone time with her. That would be risky. The best thing to do would be to spend more alone time with your wife, reconnecting and finding new interests to share, and making sure your intimate life stays fresh for both of you. A tall order, I realize. Take some of that sexual energy you're misdirecting toward her sister and bring it into the bedroom the two of you share. Stop flirting with the sister, and stop looking for signs that she's interested in you. This is a temporary state and can lead nowhere good.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.