His Ex Bugs Him Non-Stop
Q: A woman and I lived together for 4 years, until I felt she was oppressive and walked away. Since then she continuously calls me at my home, my cell and my office. I mean 40 or 50 times a day. Sometimes it just makes one ring and stops. She follows my car and discovers new phone numbers when I change them. She does the same with the girlfriends I have had since I left her. I put a process in court but there is no law against what she's doing, apparently. Several people from the police or phone operators when confronted with these facts said that I am not alone, many people complain about similar situations. Could you please help me understand this situation and give me some advice? -- Jack, 52
Dr. Susan: It's not much of a surprise that a woman you found oppressive continues to oppress you when you're no longer a couple. Do some research and take some practical measures. Does your phone company have a way for you to block particular calls? Mine does, and though it costs a little extra and you need a phone with Caller ID, it stops most pestering calls from coming through. You surely have an unlisted number by now, so I don't know how she can so efficiently manage to keep locating you. If what she's doing is not against the law, the most you can do is keep your phone numbers private, NEVER EVER speak to her at all, tell anyone you go out with not to talk with her, and perhaps get a lawyer to send her a letter insisting she cease and desist or you'll take action. Tying up your office line must be against some ordinance somewhere. In some localities there are domestic restraining orders available to ex-partners who feel emotionally threatened or harassed. She certainly SEEMS to be stalking and harassing you. Keep good records of specifics and dates. It might be worth paying a local lawyer for some advice. This woman is clearly deranged and certainly scary. She needs more help than you can give her. I wish you luck.
Copyright © Fun Online Corporation
Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.