Let Her Have Sex Elsewhere?
Q: Would it be right to encourage my wife to have sex with another man for her benefit and sanity if we can't because of my medical problem? -- Mike, 52
Dr. Susan: There's "right" and there's "right." Are you absolutely incapable of providing her with affection and sensual pleasure and satisfaction? (Are you in an iron lung and totally immobile?!) There are numerous ways to do that short of outsourcing the job. I worry that if you won't do what you can yourself to help her, you're opening up the marriage to the possibility of her falling in love with someone else, bringing home a disease, or introducing complications you never intended or imagined. First I'd try every possible alternative between the two of you. Then if she's pushing for outside interludes rather than you encouraging her to do this to make up for your own sense of guilt or inadequacy, make certain you've discussed the idea openly and decided on how much you can handle and how much you want to know about what she does with other men. Even then, she needs to proceed cautiously.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.