Wife in Military Life
Q: I'm in love with a girl that I've known for years. She just wants to be friends, but I want to be slightly more than that. In fact, I want to marry her. The problem is that I'm more of a military type, and that's not much of a life for a wife. So how do I get her to love me without having to sacrifice my military dreams? -- Bart, 20
Dr. Susan: Slow down, soldier boy! You're trying to deal with two big issues at once, and they need to be separated so you can think clearly about them. First of all, if you and this girl have known one another for years, and she still insists she just wants to be friends, there's not much you can do to "get" her to love you. She knows you well enough to make up her mind about that by now. Deciding you want to marry someone at your age, especially someone who doesn't even see you as a romantic possibility, is just putting the cart before the horse. I understand that you're crazy about her, but certainly the feeling would have to be mutual before you ask someone to join you as a military wife.
You're right about the military life being very hard on the partner who stays home. But if this is what you want to do with your life, it would be a special challenge for you to be happy with a woman for whom you sacrificed those dreams. I suggest you pursue the military life and find out if it's truly what you imagine. And then find yourself a wife who knows what she's getting into and loves you very much anyway.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.