Hiding Him from Family
Q: I have been with one girl on and off for 10 years. She has never introduced me to her family. Is this a reason to leave her? Is this a sign that she can't commit to me? -- Terry, 39
Dr. Susan: The clearest sign that your long-time girlfriend can't commit to you (and you to her) is that you've been "off and on" for a decade. You've apparently found numerous reasons to leave one another, and it sounds like her not introducing you to her family is just one more excuse (or rationalization) for splitting up. Surely in 10 years there have been family occasions she would have invited you to. Is she married to someone else?! Regardless, I suggest the two of you have been hanging around one another long enough to make up your minds about one another. If you and she plan to be a couple for keeps, find a way to show it. She should let her family know about you, and it's time for you to meet them. Their approval isn't necessary, but keeping your relationship a secret for so long does make me wonder what's going on in your girlfriend's mind. You have to ask her, and her response had better be reasonable.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.