Her Flirty Eyes
Q: I have been dating someone of my own age that I met through a professional dating service. It has been a year since we have been in a "committed" relationship. Recently, I have noticed her flirting (eye contact) with other men at events and at dinners that we attend. It is very noticeable and the other men notice her looking at them. When I ask her about this, she denies it and says she is not doing anything wrong. I'm unsure what this means and how to proceed with our relationship. Is it time for me to move on? -- Nate, 49
Dr. Susan: Giving her the benefit of the doubt for a moment, could it be that she has always looked at other men, but you're only now aware of it because some other aspect of your relationship is less satisfying? On the other hand, if the flirty eye behavior is truly new, and she denies it, I'd have to wonder what else she isn't being honest about. I also wonder if she's drinking more than before and perhaps isn't actually aware of the length of her eye contact. Whether she acknowledges the accuracy of your perceptions or not, she needs to be willing to take your feelings of discomfort into account. Before the next outing, let her know you're planning to point out the behavior to her as it's happening. I hope she takes your concerns seriously.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.