22 and Never Been Kissed
Q: For all my 22 years of being alive I have never been kissed, not even on the cheek by my own parents. It hasn't really bothered me at all, I simply chalk it up to things have played out that way, but it has been somewhat frustrating at times. My entire life I have never even been remotely attractive to anyone, which is fine I guess; I mean I can't exactly make myself attractive I suppose, but it is still somewhat demoralizing. I guess it could also be because I have a somewhat aloof demeanor, but I am always kind, courteous, and welcoming of everyone I meet. And so, at the age of 22, and being a 200% virgin, it's becoming more of an issue and nuisance for me; especially when everyone around me, even my 14, 13, 12, even 11 year old friends are getting infinitely more "action" than I. I suppose this is a problem, since it does irk me every now and then, so I suppose I am looking for some advice. -- Andy, 22
Dr. Susan: It's okay to come right out and say you're tired of feeling like no one loves you and you wish you could have a relationship. If it's just "action" you want, then I can't really help you, but if you want to connect with young women, then you'll have to become more aware of what women like in a man. Kind and courteous are a start, but you need to stop thinking about what you're missing and start paying attention to the real persons behind those female bodies. I think you began life with a deficit in that your parents sound shockingly cold. You're going to have to spend some effort to counteract that withholding beginning. Attractiveness, by the way, isn't so much a matter of the shape of your facial features, but of the warmth of your personality. The words you use to describe your situation are a bit "off" to me: demoralizing, nuisance, irksome.
Consider this the start of a project to make yourself more inviting as a person, and stop thinking of yourself as somehow losing out to 11 year olds. Later bloomers can easily make up for "lost" time with an enthusiastic attitude. Shy, I understand. Aloof, on the other hand, can come across as though you feel superior. You don't want to come off that way.
Copyright © Fun Online Corporation
Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.