Met Her at the Wrong Time
Q: I met a girl about a month ago and we have been meeting up and texting and talking ever since. The trouble is that in a couple of weeks she is going to Australia for the year. I planned on going to the US for a year in a few months time so I don't know whether I should just keep in touch with her or ask her to go out with me properly and be my girlfriend. Both of us really like each other and she's not looking forward to going to Australia now that we met each other. I tell her that once she gets there she'll love it and I said that if she wasn't going away, I'd ask her to go out with me but that there's no real point now. She agreed but said that she would say yes if she was staying.
I don't know what to do. Maybe I should just keep in touch and hope to get back together in a year. At the moment my feelings for her are too strong to even think of getting with another woman, so please help? -- Lance, 22
Dr. Susan: Your feelings for this girl are very strong right now, but you've only known her for a month. It would be unwise, as both of you seem to realize, to get more deeply involved at the present, or to verbalize any commitments. If you really do have something special together, keep in touch and see what happens. If, on the other hand, either of you made major changes to your plans at this time, you might deeply regret it later. Not every month-long relationship, at your age or any age, is capable of lasting forever. If this one has what it takes, it will be worth waiting for.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.