Let Feelings Cool?
Q: I have a female friend who I really like a lot but she doesn't like me the same way. So should I stop being friends with her until my romantic feelings go away? The thing is we are really close. -- Jim, 32
Dr. Susan: Only you can decide how much emotional torture you can handle. It's not unusual for "really close" friends to be lopsided in that way, often where the guy feels an erotic charge and the female is happy being just plain old friends. Something hardwired into us, perhaps. Once you have an actual girlfriend, perhaps you will be able to enjoy genuine friendship with this person again. Meanwhile, know you have a choice: treat her non-romantic feelings with respect and don't pursue her that way, or stay away for a while and socialize with other women. Keeping her as a friend could be a wonderful help in your life, but not if you're going to feel discomfort, even resentment, over her choice.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.