Too Kissy with Co-worker?
Q: I have been friends with my co-worker for 16 years now. She's slightly older than I am, married with kids just like me. Five years ago I had a serious argument with my wife and thought we were going to end our marriage. My co-worker was kind and wanted to help me. She told me I need to fall in love again. One night we had dinner together and talked for hours. She told me her husband had another family in Mexico and she wanted someone she could have sex with two or three times only and then just be friends. Although we went out, I didn't get too personal with her, but told her I was not ready because I still missed my wife. My wife and I worked things out and I ended my friendship with my co-worker.
After we stopped talking for several years, this woman found out I had another serious argument with my wife. We've gone out to restaurants and she has offered the previous deal again. Yet whenever we plan the date, she tells me something has come up or she goes to a party, casino, or nightclub and only tells me about it after. We constantly kiss, touch, send text messages, and say sweet things to each other at work but do not see each other on the weekends. Do you think she is angry at me? I did not take advantage of her before, and I was honest about my feelings. I feel I have no right to ask why she is acting like this, but at the same time I feel like I am in the twilight zone! -- Hank, 45
Dr. Susan: Time to get your head out of the clouds (and out of some other less fluffy places, too). Every time you have a serious argument with your wife, you're ready to get it on with this other woman? A woman who is a flirt and only wants to play around but is mostly playing with your head? You're acting like a high-schooler, and not in a good way. Kissing, touching, whatever. Have you and your wife definitely split up? Then play all you want, and preferably with someone a little less crazy and less likely to give you a disease. Is she angry at you? Nah, she's probably just got enough guys to have sex with right now and doesn't need you for that. If you don't feel you have the right to ask her why she's acting a certain way, then you're not ready for much intimacy. Make a clean break all around.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.