He Wants 2nd Chance
Q: I'm 31, and I broke up with my girlfriend two years ago. We had a big fight and ended up calling off the wedding and stopped seeing one another. A little after that she wrote me a letter saying she still loved me and wasn't giving up. It's now been two years and I am tormented by her memory every day and I feel I made a huge mistake by letting her go. I have not talked to her for a year but I still love her as much as I ever did. I want to tell her how I feel but I don't know how or if I should. I don't know if she's with anyone or not. Do I just have to accept the fact that I made a huge mistake and live with it? -- Chris
Dr. Susan: There's no law against being honest, even at this late date. You could contact her and find out if she's currently involved with anyone, and if she is, back off. Then you'd just have to learn to live with the fact that you acted impetuously and foolishly two years ago. If she's available, and willing to meet you for a talk or a date, consider yourself lucky. Not everyone gets a second chance, and she might have some trouble trusting you again. So go slowly this time.
One last warning, though I don't mean to be a wet blanket: if you love her that intensely two years after you broke up, it could mean you're fantasizing big-time. She's a real person with real flaws, just like you are. Whatever you fought about -- or something else -- might come up and cause you grief all over again if you haven't learned to communicate more effectively yet.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.