Is This Woman Worth Betting On?
Q: My wife and I of five years separated about a month ago. She's my second spouse, and I'm her third. She doesn't know if she wants a divorce or not, and won't talk further about it, but she's now on-line dating. I have no desire right now to see anyone. I thought we had a solid relationship, but don't know if I should forget about her or see if she will come around. She's 35. I miss her but am confused and don't really know what to do.-- Tim, 50
Dr. Susan: So, at 35, she's left her third husband and is shopping for her fourth. Maybe. Of course she doesn't want to discuss divorce right now. She's waiting to see what's out there that might appeal to her more. This is the kind of separation that doesn't solve anything. If you and she have separated in order to work on resolving whatever issues pulled you apart, that's one thing. But nothing productive can be happening here. How long are you willing to wait for her to "come around"? After she dates and gets intimate with how many other men? Apparently your marriage wasn't as solid as you believed. At least tell her that you aren't willing to go on for an indefinite period of time without discussing your joint options.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.