Should You Just Ask Him Out…or Keep Waiting and Hoping?
If you're on a dating app and you want to ask a guy out, that should be cool, right? If you're out with your friends and you meet a dude you're attracted to, you should feel comfortable asking if he wants to hang out the next night, right? After all, women and men are equals, right? So no guy should have a problem with a woman asking him out, right?
Hmmm, maybe…maybe not.
Setting the Tone
Of course, women and men are equals. But they have different ways of navigating the dating world. And they tend to respond to different signals that trigger a strong attraction. So asking a guy out might work, but it sets up a dynamic from the start that may or may not meet your desires.
As a woman doing the asking, know that you're starting off as the pursuer. If that scenario works for you and the guy you're interested in, then great! But it might be a problem if you know you like strong men who know what they want. It might be a problem if you tend to intimidate guys with your outspoken views and powerful confidence.
The point is that the type of guy who will step up and ask you out is going to be clearly interested in you. Isn't that what you want?
The guy who's hesitant, however, might have one of many reasons for playing the waiting game. He might be:
- In a relationship or still hung up on his ex.
- Too busy at work to get into anything serious.
- A free spirit who likes hookups but not commitment.
- Not that attracted to you.
- Still healing from a bad breakup and just wants to spend time with his buds.
- Shy and needs more time to work up the courage.
Okay, so there are many more reasons a guy might not ask you out right away. If you can think of so many reasons not to go after him and only one that encourages you to consider it, then maybe you should wait until you know more about him.
By asking him out too soon, you risk getting involved with a guy who's lukewarm on you at the start. If you think he's so hot he might get away if you don't ask, then go ahead.
If you're so interested in him that you've got FOMO, stop and think beyond the fear. What happens if you pursue him and he goes along just to avoid an awkward situation or because he thinks he might get an easy hookup?
Waiting for It
If you can instead be a bit more patient, then at least let him get to know you enough for him to initiate some flirting and reach out to you for your number so he can start messaging you.
Sure, many good relationships have started with the female expressing an interest. But if you don't give him a chance to do a little chasing, you risk being all in when he's only halfway there. And that's a problem in any relationship.
If you feel really interested in him, maybe you should take a risk and ask him out. But if you want him to feel strongly attracted to you, consider taking a different kind of risk and waiting for him to make the first move.
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