You Can Change Your Mate…Just Not the Way You Think

I bet you've heard the advice many times: Don't go into a relationship expecting your partner to change.

That's truly good advice…. If you want to be in a long-term relationship, then you'd better appreciate your lover as is, not because you hope your sweetie can become someone different with a little pushing and prodding from you.

However, encouragement is a key part of your relationship too. If you gently pull instead of push, you honestly might be able to help your lover grow in ways that will make you both happier.

Stress What's Special
If you're in a relationship with someone you already admire, then you're off to a great start. The key is to keep noticing your partner's strengths and emphasizing why you adore these qualities. Expressing your admiration for the people you care about lets them know that you think they're special.

Good parents do this with their children. They tell them what great talents they have and what awesome things they can accomplish with the right effort. Can you think of times your parents did this for you? Focusing on strengths builds even more strength.

Nix the Negatives
Think about the reverse. When you spend lots of time with someone who constantly tells you what's wrong with you and what you should be doing differently, you don't have much desire to be around that person and open up to them, do you?

Nobody wants to be repeatedly reminded of their failures. Being treated this way might inspire more self-doubt and less willingness to cooperate.

Yet when someone important in your life continually tells you what's great about you, it inspires you to thrill them again and again, doesn't it? You want to keep striving to make them happy because they notice and appreciate your commitment.

So what are you waiting for? Start the cycle of change! If you express what you love about your relationship and your honey, you're likely to be rewarded with more positive vibes bouncing back on you as well. At the same time, you're showing your sweetie how you'd like to be treated.

Reap the Rewards
If you're smart, you'll take it one step further. The positive and negative side of feedback can pay off or come back to bite you in the bedroom too. When you criticize your sweetheart's actions under the covers, you're likely to see less effort to please you, rather than more.

Instead, try praising what your lover does well and the sexy moves that get you going. Then you'll both be shifting into high gear and hitting the finish line together.

So whatever it is you admire about your honey, be sure to express it. When you recognize what's great about each other and say so, you can encourage your lover to continue to change for the better! That kind of change is good!

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