Will You Ever Get Closure?

When a relationship ends, the aftermath usually stinks. You have so many unanswered questions. What went wrong? What did I do wrong? Why did my ex treat me that way? What's wrong with them? What's wrong with me?

Even if you're oh-so-relieved for it to be over, you still want to know why. You want to stop replaying those bad scenes in your head and figure out how to rewind and have a happily-ever-after ending—or at least a happier one.

So you start guessing why this went wrong, why he behaved that way, or why she cut you off without a word. You wonder and you interpret.

But you're still not sure…and you'd like to be able to let it go. Yet you feel that you can't let it go unless you know exactly why things went from good to godawful.

Seeking Clarity
So you decide that you want to have one more conversation with your ex to set the record straight…to get closure.

But wait! Before you take that step and make contact, consider the potential consequences.

If you want your ex to explain some conversations or misunderstandings, didn't you already try that throughout the relationship and in a desperate attempt to make things work at the end? What makes you think your ex would step up and clarify the bumblings or bad behavior now?

But let's say that happened—that your ex was willing to open up and discuss the breakdown that caused the breakup. Is your ex someone who takes responsibility or someone who lays blame? Do you really think that conversation will enlighten you? Or will it possibly leave you feeling even worse?

If your ex left the relationship, what's the motivation for telling you something new?

You're hoping this person who's fading from your life will admit doing you wrong, right? And you're hoping for some kind of acknowledgment about how special you were and how wonderful you were during the relationship.

Patting Your Own Back
But does it really matter? What counts is what you think of yourself and your own behavior in the relationship.

What if your former mate tells you things about you that turned him or her away? What if you hear about how you did them wrong or what they think is wrong with you? Will that help you heal?

No way! That would set you back light years in your breakup recovery process.

Instead, spend some time thinking about your shortcomings in the relationship and then vow to do better. Remind yourself of your strengths and then go out and show them off to your loyal friends and possibly some hot new dating prospects. Let your lost lover's opinion go.

Striving for Acceptance
You definitely don't want to try to change yourself to match your former flame's dissatisfaction with you. Instead, you want to find someone who loves you for you.

For starters, that needs to be you. You finding your own higher level of self-love.

And the first step is to realize that you can't really get full closure. You can keep inching the door closed and distancing yourself from those hurt feelings and harmful speculations.

You can keep looking toward the other open doors in your life and seeing the bright horizons ahead. Stop fearing that you're a failure and that you'll have a repeat relationship that's equally painful.

Focus on what you think about your own strengths and weaknesses and let go of your former lover's opinions. That person wasn't good for you. So step away from that room and that door entirely. You've got amazing new paths to explore and lots of wide open space to do it in!

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