Making Friends...with your Ex
One of the best things about girl-on-girl love is that it's pretty common to remain pals after a break-up (Can your straight friends make that claim? Doubt it.) But just because it's possible, doesn't mean it's easy. How to navigate the transition:
- Determine the feasibility. Even if breaking up was a mutual decision and there aren't any complications - infidelity, deceit, custody battles over your cats - sometimes it just won't be possible to get over thinking of your girlfriend as, well, your girlfriend. If you even slightly regret breaking up at all, you probably aren't ready to be no-sex-allowed chums.
- Get it all out. If you want to have a close friendship, you can't have too much relationship dirty laundry hanging between you. Are you on the same page about your relationship and your breakup? Yes, it's a risk to bring up one too many done-me-wrongs. You don't want to get yourselves so enraged that it's impossible to even remain on speaking terms. But if you don't resolve the circumstances of your relationship, you won't have a truly healthy friendship.
Make some space. Breaking up is (usually) more than just deciding not to share a mattress anymore. While you're adjusting to being single again, try to maintain a little distance with your ex. Continuing your Sunday night sushi ritual is only going to make it more difficult to move on with your life. When you're finally ready to see someone new and are okay with seeing your ex on another woman's arm, feel free to pick up those friendly chopsticks again.
Ease into it. Don't envision romantic double dates with your ex just yet. No matter how happy you are - whether it's as a swingin' single or as part of a nauseatingly cute couple - there's bound to be a little jealousy on both sides when you and your ex re-enter the dating scene. Take your time rebuilding your friendship.
- Know when to fold 'em. A girlfriend is more than just a friend you happen to get naked with, so it makes sense that sometimes you can't just downshift a relationship from sexual to platonic. Admit defeat when it just doesn't seem like it can work out happily. Just wanting a friendship to work unfortunately doesn't mean that it will.
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