Don't Blow Your Relationship By Venting Too Much

You want your lover to be your best friend too, right? So you rely on her for sympathy when your mom compares you to your brother yet again—and not in a good way. You rely on him to listen when work goes crazy and you come home steamed. In short, you vent to the person you feel close to.

There's nothing wrong with that…to a point. However, if you're finding that you seem to drive your lovers away when you start opening up in this way, then you might want to find a way to turn it down a notch or two.

Don't Be a Downer
I hate to break it to you, but love doesn't really conquer all. A lot of things can be overlooked, yes. But living with someone who's a complainer and downer all the time? Not so much.

It's all a matter of degree. Opening up to your mate can bring you closer. Especially if you give each other equal time to share the challenges in your life. But you also need to give equal time to sharing your dreams and accomplishments.

No one wants to live with an energy-sucking dude or drama queen. You want to be with someone you admire and respect. You want to spend time with someone who shows you the possibilities for growth and happiness.

Stop Being Self-Centered
Passion is good! But anger can drain you—whether you're talking about it or listening with empathy. If you need to vent, keep it in balance. Don't get too harsh with your words and don't go on too long. Ask your lover for suggestions, if you want, but truly listen if you do. Or if you really don't want any problem-solving advice, say so! Make clear that you just need an ear for a few minutes so that you can move on and focus on being a cozy couple.

The best type of friends and lovers are there to support you when you need it. But that support should flow both ways. Be sensitive to your mate's need for a good ear, a good hug, or some good silent TV-watching time. Make sure to spend time reaching out to comfort your partner rather than only seeking reassurance for yourself. Otherwise you might end up preventing that same closeness you're craving.

The danger in venting is that it can work just like in the kitchen—too much can make alarms go off, but just a little can cool things down and make the air around you both easier to breathe. So don't be a prolonged pouter. Go for a peaceful and friendly partnership!

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