Disgusted With Myself

I have totally ruined my life, and I don't know what to do. It started when I had an affair with a co-worker, Tyree. He was this gorgeous, black guy who was a big jerk but an incredible sexual performer. I got pregnant. My husband thought it was his, and I was hoping and hoping that it was. But, when I delivered, it was the classic horror story of suddenly having to deal with a bi-racial baby. My husband was devastated but, amazingly, was concerned about me and what would happen to the baby. When I went and talked to Tyree, he just laughed and said he wasn't about to marry me. He then said, "How do you even know it's mine?" My husband was an unbelievable angel and said he would stay with me and be a father to the baby. But, he also made clear that things would never be the same between us. I made up my mind that I would win him back over time. Well, things went well until a few months after the baby was born. The big jerk, Tyree, called me and said he was going to demand his full rights as a father. When I told my husband, and he realized that Tyree was going to be in our lives, he said, "Either you get this resolved, or I am out of here." I called Tyree and begged him to simply let me raise the baby on my own. After a lot of drama, he finally said he would settle for having the baby and me one weekend every month. I agreed, but I didn't know what my husband would say. My husband agreed but told me, "This guy better stay out of our lives or I am through." Well, as I had guessed, the first weekend had very little to do with the baby and everything to do with Tyree having sex with me almost constantly. I admit that it was an amazing sexual experience, but it has gone steadily down hill. The third weekend, Tyree had a friend over and made it clear that I was expected to have sex with the guy. I did, and then I did Tyree, too. But then the next weekend, he had a whole group of friends over for a football game. At first, I thought that they would ignore me for football. Wrong. Tyree called me in and told me to do a strip tease for his buddies. I didn't know how to get out of it, so I did. Then, I had to give oral sex, and then one of them took me back to the bedroom. For the next four hours, I was doing them all. Now, the weekends always involve many guys, and I think Tyree may be getting some money for it. It's only once a month, and I don't want to tell my husband and cause him to leave or something. I don't know how to get out of the whole situation. Tyree has made me a prostitute, but it is my fault, too. The thing that makes me feel the most guilty is that I know that I like all the sex, and I get tingly and excited as the day draws near for me to go to Tyree's. I am disgusted with myself.

— Monique, 24

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