One Man, Two Personas

We were both on an internet dating service. We communicated for months before meeting. The mail was hot, steamy, romantic, passionate, funny, flirty, etc. All any woman would want; the perfect man. After months of this, I was falling in love with his letters and he with mine. I had to go to his city on business, so we decided to finally meet. I really thought this was it; this was the man for me. Our first meeting was a little awkward as he seemed very nervous. It wasn't awful, but I found him to be shy. When he did talk, the only thing he talked about was himself. He showed off his new car, his new house, etc. We had several dinners together. I was truly thinking that after the shyness wore off, the other man I was communicating with would appear. He was pleasant, clean, and a gentleman. The last night together, I decided to ask him up to my room. He was a good kisser and I have not been with anyone for a long while. I kept hoping the passionate, sexy, romantic part of him would suddenly appear. I could have not been more wrong. It was the worse sex I have ever had; he was like a young boy on his first time. No seduction, no foreplay. It was all over before I was even ready (so to speak). I decided to say nothing, as I did not want to hurt his feelings or crush his ego. On my return home, an email was waiting and it was from him. Declaring his love and explaining how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, he asked me to marry him. His letter again was full of passion. I almost forgot what I had just experienced. It was also shocking to read that this was the best sex he had ever had in his entire 52 years. I am still sitting in disbelief. I have tried being honest without being cruel. I have pointed out how he did not find anything out about me, how he did not ask me one question, how he did not caress me or how we just had sex and totally missed all touching, all foreplay. His answer for it all is he is shy. He said he just takes awhile to get comfortable, etc. I decided I would talk all of this over with him on the phone. On the phone, he was nervous and awkward, just like in person; all he could talk about was how that was so much fun and the best sex. He is sadly like dating two different men. One I love and adore and one that does nothing for me. I am missing that romantic, passionate mail. How can he be the same person?

— Caroline, 50

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