My Head Is Up There, Help Me Get It Out

This is a warning to all trusting and forgiving people. Trusting and giving is over-rated and my story will prove it. It started with me innocently chatting in a chat room. I get an Instant Message, and unless the person tries cyber-sexing, I am generally personable and will chat. I meet this guy. He proceeds to tell me he is a confirmed bachelor with a successful business, large home with a three-car carport, and numerous vehicles. He further tells me he owns a lot of property. Okay, I'm not materialistic because I am a human resources manager, make a very good living, and have been single and provided for me and my kids receiving no child support whatsoever. So, it's not like I was a gold digger, I just wanted to make sure he wasn't one. We talked for months and months before we finally agreed to meet. I met him and the car he was driving was not what I expected to see, it was an older Monte Carlo, but he said it was his nephew's who was visiting him. He said this Monte Carlo parked behind his cars so he just used that one. It's not a big deal what car he owns because I drive a truck, but at least I am honest about it. He and I date and move to an intimate relationship, but he never invites me to his house. I sum it up to the fact that he knows I won't drive an hour to his house. Looking somewhat younger than what he told me his age is, I ask to see his driver's license. I remember his address and look it up at work. Hmmmm…. that's strange - the value of the property at that address is something like $20,000.00. So, I ask him about it. He tells me the address is to his property because he is in the process of building a new home there. Okay. I remember that a coworker lives near that part of town and ask him to take a drive by there. My friend calls me on the phone and tells me he is sitting in front of a trailer house and he starts describing it. He says it has this thing that looks like a three-car carport that is almost falling down. Okay, I'm pissed because he lied. But my friend tells me more. He says, "Hang on. A lady from the trailer next door is coming to my truck." I hear the conversation: FRIEND: "Hey, I'm looking for Mr. xxx, and I thought this was his address but I'm not sure. I have some insurance paperwork for him." NEIGHBOR: "Yeah, that's where he lives. His wife's not home right now, and I think his kids are still at school but that's his car there so I'm sure he's home." FRIEND: "Thanks." I am feeling like a complete idiot now and have really started to like this guy. But I wait for him to call me that night. He calls, and I ask him to tell me the truth. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. I tell him that I was leery because he seemed to be very secretive about his home and his background. I tell him I looked up his address (he was shocked that I knew where he lived, forgetting he had shown me his driver's license), and tell him I checked the value of the home which was quite low, and said that I had a friend drove by. He still says he doesn't know what I'm talking about. I tell him, "Look, it's a blue double wide trailer with a white skirt around. It has a three-car carport that is about to fall in on your piece of crap cars. You have a wife and kids. He is crying like a baby. "Please don't be mad but that's not my house. I was married before, but when you told me you never wanted to date a man with an ex-wife or kids because of your last relationship, I knew once you got to know me I could tell you." I mean, he is carrying on like he might kill himself. He tells me that the car I saw was his eldest son's car and not his nephews. He said he had come home one day and found his then wife sleeping with his cousin right after she had just had their baby. Nine months later she had another daughter that he was sure belonged to his cousin and not him. The two girls are eleven months apart. But he had stayed with her after talking to his family because she was not a very good mother, and his parents said he needed to take care of the kids. So he stays. Then about five years before I met him, he came home from work again and she was with another man. This man he beats up, but she's pregnant and he dumps her and doesn't want to have anything to do with her. His family tells him to stay, but his wife is mean to the boy when he is born and takes out her frustration on the son for being born. He wanted to leave then but was afraid for the boy's life because of her brutality. Finally, he can't take it anymore. He buys her the trailer for her and the kids, all four of them. He is sobbing so hard that I actually believe it. He has numerous scars around his stomach and tiny scars on his face, so he tells me the scars came from the fight he got in when he found out about the last guy and then her pregnancy. So, he drove himself under an 18-wheeler to kill himself. But he lived and he was bed ridden for over a year. She carried on with other affairs while his mother had to take care of him. His family told him to stay, but he didn't. I'm feeling like an ass because he has been a great, wonderful guy up to that point, and even my two sons love him. I feel like a heel because he felt he had to lie to me because I would not have gone out with him if I knew he had been married and had kids. And he was right, I would not have. He is begging me big time. I tell him I have to think about it. A few days later he shows up with a platinum diamond ring. He cries and tells me he loves me. I give in. Eventually, I meet the two girls and the youngest boy that is hers but not his. He tells me she doesn't want the boy, and asks me how I would feel if he takes him. I say fine because I can see the boy is severely traumatized and has major behavioral problems, which to me confirms the abuse she inflicts on him. He asks me to marry him and I say yes. All is good. I'm seeing him and his kids, blah, blah, blah. But every time his kids come over, they are asking for things; clothes, make-up, shoes, jewelry, you name it. I feel so sorry for them knowing how they live and knowing their mother is a drunk and since I make a good living, I give and give and give. The strange thing is they only want the best. They won't go to a Mervyn's, Kohl's, JC Penney and, God forbid, a Wal-Mart. No, it's Abercrombie, Tommy Hilfiger, Eddie Bauer's, American Clothing Company. I chalk it up to their lifestyle and figure they are starved for attention and finer things in life. Then it's time to get married. Bombshell. His divorce is not quite complete. During this time he would go out of town to work for a week or two at a time. Now he tells me that a huge job he had completed bounced a check on him, and now he is having financial difficulty. He starts borrowing small sums here and there. He borrows the money to get the divorce finished. We set another date, and he calls me on this day. He explains he had taken his daughters back to his former in-law's lake house when his ex wife grabs his keys and wont let him leave because he knows we are getting married. He tells me he is on his way. He doesn't show up for another day and a half. He looks like hell, looks like he's been wearing the same clothes, so I believe him. This time I say no we should wait there are obviously issues between he and his ex-wife. He swears no, and he looks up a minister to come out and marry us. Of course his money is drained so I pay for the minister and, oh yeah, my wedding set and his ring. He proceeds to get drunk before the minister gets there. My eldest son begs me not to do it. He has now grown leery of the guy. But no, I feel I am too judgmental and not understanding enough. We get married, but go no where for a honeymoon. He stays with me that night. The next morning he gets up about three o'clock in the morning and goes to the bathroom and stays in there for a while. When he comes out in the dark he starts calling me his ex-wife's name and talking to me as if I were her. I just say, no it's me xxx did you forget who you got married to last night? He goes to bed but then gets up and starts in on me. How dare I talk to him like that? If I don't trust him then we can just tear up the marriage license and he will leave. I tell him the minister has the license and no, we can't just tear it up. We are married but we can probably get it annulled. He makes me call the minister at 8am and drive over and get the license. I do, but by now I am certain there are some real problems with this so I don't tear it up just in case I find out down the road that I'm still married to this whacko. So, I stop at the post office on the way back and mail in the license. I drive back up and he wants the license. I tell him I already mailed it. He tells me I am going to be sorry and leaves. He and his ex-wife proceed to call me for the next two weeks and tell me to get an annulment "or else". I tell him and her to spend the damned money to get it done themselves since I've spent enough money. Next he shows up and tells me that she had tried to kill herself and was in a loony bin. And if he stays with me she will try again and do it in front of the kids next time. He shows me the letter that she had written to him. He leaves again, and shows up another two weeks after that crying and saying he can't take it. He doesn't care if she kills herself, it's just too much. In the meantime I call and find out that the number he has given me and I have been calling for the last 2 years is their house. She works nights so he was free to come over and call and carry on. During the day there was no need for me to ever call since he was "at work." I talk to her, yeah she did try to kill herself, no the boy is not hers but his sister's that got taken away, a sister I find out later is in prison and so is his brother and the cousin that is the father of their other daughter. No he didn't try to kill himself. He worked at a warehouse and the shelving unit fell over crushing him. The court wouldn't let me get an annulment, and he still hasn't signed the divorce papers. While I was going through this hell with him, I was being sexually harassed at work and left due to the harassment and resulting depression. So, now I'm broke, have no job, and my eldest son left to live with his dad. Oh yeah, and the loser talked me into signing for him a truck because she had ruined his credit. He took off with the truck, never made a payment. The bank kept calling me for the truck. I did not know where he or the truck was and they didn't care, I made four payments and then said screw it. I told them where his family lived - poor white trash in a Texas town, and where his ex-wife worked and lived in a nearby town. I told them to look there for the truck. Months later the truck got repossessed but now it's on my credit report. I was told the windshield was cracked, the dash board broken, the brakes were shot and every check light on the engine was on. So I got hit with the towing and damages and the cost of the remaining balance. Oh yeah I bought his daughter a $450 dollar dog, his other daughter glasses, glamour shots, camp, stereos, karaoke machines, tanning memberships, etc. So, yes I do have a head, it's just tucked somewhere so far up my ass. But wait! There is more. He showed up again, but this time he asked me to take a ride with him. I did, and once we got on the highway I proceeded to beat the living s*** out of him while driving down the road. I was up on my knees beating him with both of my fists, and slamming his head against the side window. I was choking him, trying to kill him, and I didn't care if that meant I had to die, too. He got lucky and flagged down a state patrolman. I got arrested, and they were going to let him take my truck because we are still married. I made them call the supervisor on duty and instead had my own truck towed. The son-of-a-bitch had to walk home. HAHA! It cost me $300.00 in bail money, a day in jail, two very bad bologna sandwiches and a Dixie cup of Kool-aide, $250 in towing, and an anger management class. But in light of everything, I would have paid ten times that to beat the sh*t out of him. I know I'll never meet a person on the internet again, and hopefully after the beating he got it's one less loser the rest of you may have to deal with.

— Georgia, 38

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