The Mother Of All Idiotic Statements

Back in 1997, a friend of mine worked at a travel agency. Back then, the actor Jim Carrey was just breaking out, and I loved him! My friend worked with a guy who liked him, too. She said he had a "Jim Carrey" type sense of humor. I told her I would love to meet him. She warned me that he was a bit of a geek, but I said I didn't care. So, she set the date and gave me his info. We met in the parking lot of her office, and I immediately understood what she meant by "geek." He wasn't cute geeky, but dorky geeky. I decided to see how things would go because he seemed like a nice guy. I should have known things would go downhill when he casually remarked in the car, "If I think I'm right about something, I usually am." Within thirty minutes, we arrived at our destination: an American Indian festival. As we walked among the wares and food, we passed by a Navajo Nation display. He said to the woman, "Didn't your people worship chickens a long time ago?" I could tell she thought he was a nut case, but she politely remarked, "No, we never have." He replied with his finger on his chin deep in thought, "Yes, I'm sure of it. I read in a history magazine that said your people once worshipped chickens but stopped because the chicken wasn't masculine enough." In the middle of this sentence, I slunk away, daring a sideways glance at this poor woman. She looked like she wanted to slug him one. For the rest of the afternoon, this guy continued to espouse the different "customs and cultures" of the various American Indian tribes in attendance. As if that wasn't enough, on the way back to our car, we passed several cars with bumper stickers on them. One had the sign for diving, the red and white diagonal sticker that shows people are into scuba diving. He asked me if I knew what it meant. I said something about the water. "It means 'Dive or Death.'" Oh, I see, well maybe it does. The next car that passed us had the rainbow sticker on it. He said, "Do you know what that means?" I said, "Yes. It means Gay Pride." He rolled that thought over in his mind for a few seconds, and then the mother of all idiotic statements spewed from his lips, the likes of which I shall never forget. He said, "I don't have a problem with people being gay and all. I just don't understand why they have to have SEX with each other." Needless to say, there was no second date. Oh and the part about him having a sense of humor like Jim Carrey? NOT!

— Elizabeth, 29

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