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Dating Disasters

Wild Love Confessions

Love, Lust, & Revenge
Her Success Troubling Them
Q: I have been focusing on my career over the past eight years after graduating from law school. I am dating often and am finding that men often get competitive about work when they hear about what I do. I’m finding it hard to get past a few dates. I don’t know if it’s something I’m doing wrong, and I feel like I’m being kind and open, but it doesn’t seem like these guys are getting to know me beyond my work. How do I discuss my work with potential partners without making it "all about work?” -Laura,35

Dr. Anna: In the short term, I wonder whether it’s necessary to talk about work at all? Why not make an effort specifically to avoid talking about work on the first few dates. Loop your date in on the plan in an open and honest way. You might say something like “Hey, I know the typical first date stuff involves talking about work, but I’d like to try something different. Are you up for it?” Have some questions and topics ready. Change it up and see what happens!

In the long run, though, if a guy feels threatened by your professional success, then he’s probably not right for you anyway. Finding someone who is confident—someone who will happily celebrate your achievements as well as his own—is going to be much more satisfying than toning down yourself to try to avoid their insecurities.

Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help. Read her complete bio!
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward. Read her complete bio!
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.
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