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He Wont Plan
Q: My husband and I dont have life insurance or a will. Weve been married for ten years and I feel like we need this, especially since hes twelve years older than me. He gets very defensive when I bring this up and says things like why are you trying to put me in the grave, and Im in great health. It seems like he is in denial, but I feel like Im nagging him and that Im creating a problem. My fear is we will just keep putting this off until its too late. How do I get this done while calming his fears and making him less defensive? -Monica, 35

Dr. Anna: This is a tough one! I think you hit the nail on the headhe is experiencing some fear or anxiety that is making him defensive. In this case, it might be helpful for him to hear it from someone other than you. Do you have a financial planner? It might make sense to talk to that person (or find one) about this issue. Have someone else bring the topic up with your husband. Hearing it from an outside source may help him make it less about his fears in the context of your relationship and more about facing reality.

Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help. Read her complete bio!
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward. Read her complete bio!
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.
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