Is Hot Sex Just Not for You?
Despite what television, movies, magazines and countless self-help books have been telling you, maybe it's not possible for each and every one of us to have a hot sex life.
Such is the claim by Australian therapist and author Dr. Sandra Pertot in her new book, "When Your Sex Drives Don't Match."
In her 35 years of experience with couples and singles, she's found that most sex problems are linked to a failure to understand how different each partner is.
"We accept there are so many different personality types, why don't we accept that there are so many differences in sex," she asks in an interview with British newspaper The Sun. "Just like some people will never be able to become a Hollywood actor, some people won't be able to have hot sex - so why do sex therapists say they can?"
According to Dr. Pertot, our culture is suffering from "sexual dysmorphia." We believe our sexuality is abnormal - we don't want it enough, we want it differently than our partners - when in fact, we're well within normal range.
"People's sexual behaviors and feelings are quite normal about sex," she says in The Sun. "But because they're being pushed this image through films and the media of hot sex they get stressed."
Pertot has identified 10 different types of libido. There's sensual, compulsive, detached, disinterested, stressed, entitled, reactive, addictive, dependent and erotic - and you can sometimes switch between types. But more importantly, she says, when you can identify which category you and your partner are each in, and acknowledge the differences, you can start to work through them.
We have to stop believing that sex can be like it is in the movies, she says - just like we know that Superman doesn't really fly.
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