The Phrases That Make Her Freak

As much as we complain that you boys are oh-so uncommunicative, not all talk is good. Here are just a few examples of what not to say.

"Have you gained weight?"
If she did, trust us, she knows and does not need your friendly suggestion that she hit the gym a little more often. And what if she brings it up? She just wants your reassurance - not a critical confirmation that, yes, that dress is a little snug - so give it to her.

"You're right, she is a bitch."
As much as she complains about her mom, boss, coworker or friend, it sure seems like she would want you to agree with her. But beware this trap. If you agree, she gets defensive (especially if it's someone she's really tied to, like dear old mom). If you stick up for the maligned, you're siding with the enemy. Best bet? Be vague. Echo back her sentiments ("she did x, y, and z to you?") and offer your support ("I'm sorry you're upset").

"Is it that time of the month?"
Should you dare to utter this question, at least make sure she's not holding something she could hit you with. If she's mad about you because you did something stupid (and yes, you are capable of making us mad for reasons wholly unrelated to our hormones), she'll be even more livid that you're trivializing her anger. And if she is a little testy due to PMS, you're just going to set her off even more (and it's not likely she'll admit it anyway).

"One time, with this other woman..."
We know you're awfully proud of that "Night of Five Times" or the time you did your dame in the upper deck at Fenway. But if it wasn't with us, we don't ever want to hear about it. Ditto for any comparisons between us and your ex, even if we come out more favorable. Before you pour out your private life, ask yourself if it's really in our best interest (like pertinent health information) or if you're just looking to brag.

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Try These Pickup Lines

  • I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.
  • Wanna wrassle?
  • I don't know if you are beautiful or not; I haven't gotten past your eyes yet.
  • You look a lot like my future wife.
  • So, do you wanna screw, or do I owe you an apology?