Is Her Name Really to Blame?

Have you ever met a woman and been totally struck by her beauty...but then she introduces herself, and you're totally turned off? Sometimes you just can't get past a woman's name because it brings up scary-bad memories.

Maybe it was that high school beauty who made fun of you in front of the cool group. Or maybe it was your first love who cheated on you with your best friend.

Betrayed by Bad Girls
Sometimes it's really not her--it's you. If you have a negative connotation related to her name, you might have an uphill battle getting cozy. But that doesn't mean the challenge is impossible to conquer. Let's break down some strategies.

  • Age and gender issues: Does she have a masculine sounding name? If her name is Fredrika and she goes by Fred, or Danielle and she goes by Dan, that might rub you the wrong way every time you hear it aloud. Or maybe she's named after her great-grandmother Mildred and you think of old ladies every time someone calls her. If you want a relationship, try not to let her know you're uncomfortable with her name. Revealing this hurdle will ensure that it is forever a sore point between you. Instead, try giving her some silly nickname like Sweet Cheeks and tell her that if she's a good girl you'll let her call you Studmuffin. Then find a real nickname for her that you can use in public among your friends.
  • Bad aftertaste: If the problem is that you had a dating disaster with someone who had her name, you've got to get over it. Desensitize yourself by keeping a picture of her on your phone and saying her name over and over while thinking about what you really like about her...or what you really want to do with her. Whatever the issue was, you've got to focus on how different she is from this other nemesis with her name.
  • Family friendly: Or maybe you can't get over the fact that she has the same name as your mother, sister or cousin. If that gives you the willies when you kiss her, then you've got to redirect your thoughts. Make a list of the ways she's different but also the good qualities she shares with your relative. Focus on your unique attraction to her, and you'll realize there's no one else like her, by any name.

Name Names Yourself
Think about it though--if you have those issues, she might too. Maybe you have the same moniker as a guy who dated her--and then her little sister. Maybe it's nobody she ever dated, but someone who intimidated her in school or made her work life hell.

If her appellation continues to appall you, then you've got a decision point. Either you give her a sexy nickname you can use all the time, or you take a walk and let the name take the blame.

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