Don't Give Up on Love
The stereotype is that guys are obsessed with sex and afraid of commitment. But as we all know, most guys really do want what women want: the Real Thing, the One, L-O-V-E.
But just like women, you've been hurt. You're sometimes afraid to show what you really desire because it might make you seem weak or open you up to more pain.
There are some tried and true words of comfort that apply here:
- "There are plenty of other fish in the sea."
- "No pain, no gain."
- "You have to kiss a lot of froggies to find your princess."
- "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."
Then there's the not-even-slightly-poetic motivational phrase: "If you don't ask, you don't get." All of these palliatives are designed to help you stop wallowing in the pain and loss of a breakup and get back out on the field and make a play for love again.
If you can psych yourself up to date again and be open to finding love, you're probably wondering how you can increase your chances of success next time around. There are some things you can do that will make you more lucky in love.
Love Lure #1: Be yourself. Don't try to change to fit a particular woman you're interested in. If she doesn't like the real you, then it will never work. Consider this quote by philosopher Lao Tzu: "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." If you're afraid to say the wrong thing, you're bound to come across as too vanilla. If she's constantly trying to change you, the tension is bound to grow. And you're bound to get tired of trying to be what you're not. If you can't be yourself, then you'll never be satisfied with the relationship.
Love Lure #2: However, you should still strive to be the best you that you can be. As Benjamin Franklin wrote in Poor Richard's Almanac: "If you would be loved, love and be lovable." Think about the kind of people you like to hang out with. Think about the kind of people you want to attract. Think about the aspects of your personality and behavior that fit in with those people. Have you been letting some of your best attributes atrophy? If so, get off your butt and work those muscles!
Love Lure #3: Open up. Be willing to take chances. Remember the poetic words of Alfred, Lord Tennyson: "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." Be willing to express your feelings. Yes, sometimes you will get shot down. Yes, sometimes she won't feel the same. Yes, sometimes it will really hurt. A lot! But sometimes...it will really work out well. Sometimes...she will mesh with you like peanut butter and jelly, like macaroni and cheese, like cookies and milk. Sometimes...you will feel like shouting to the whole world because you are so happy and it feels so good to be with her.
If you don't make an effort to keep hope alive, you won't get a chance to remember how alive you feel when love comes your way again. One final quote, from author Victor Hugo, sums it up: "The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved."
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