Come Closer . . . Wait! Not That Close!
There are so many aspects to the relationship dance. . . . Is she flirting with me? Do I really like her? Will she say yes if I ask her out? How will the sex be? Am I willing to be exclusive? Is she? Am I ready for a long-term relationship?
If commitment makes you nervous, you're not alone. Yes, many women feel that way too. When you start getting closer, the relationship can push you outside your comfort zone. Where that takes you and how you deal with it can depend on many factors.
If you're the one who's nervous about taking the relationship further, ask yourself if it's because you're afraid of getting hurt. That's one reason more women are steering clear of commitment and sticking with the casual dating. They've been burned before. Now they're interested in having company and having some fun, but not in opening up enough to get really hurt again. Is that your issue? Well, as they say, "no pain, no gain." If you don't try, then you'll remain alone. Does that hurt any less?
Sometimes family relationships play a role in why you or your girlfriend hesitates to form a close bond. If your parents' relationship was a disaster and you didn't have a good role model, you might expect a negative outcome. If that's so, then why make the effort, right? Clearly, you don't want to make the same mistakes your parents made. Hmm. So, instead, you'll just make different ones. Like everyone. The best you can do is to learn from those mistakes.
Sometimes the excuse you or your girl makes is that you don't have time for a real relationship. You're too busy with work. You've got a child to take care of. You're in that basketball league/fantasy football league/triathlon training club. Really? Do your buddies and work colleagues keep you warm at night? Of course you love your children. But you do need adult company too. Other people manage to have relationships amid challenging responsibilities. Why can't you?
In the end, the willingness to commit boils down to compatibility, desire, and caring deeply enough to stretch your comfort zone to include your sweetheart. If she's got many of the qualities you want, make a commitment to yourself that you'll give the relationship a bit more time. You might find that you conquer your fears and grow closer. If not, that just means she wasn't the One.
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