Handling Your Obsessive Ex

Every breakup is different. Depending on how deep the relationship was or how deeply each of you felt the emotional bond, you'll react differently to the split. Sometimes you breathe a sigh of relief and feel that long-awaited freedom. Sometimes the pain just lingers and you have trouble moving on.

What happens when you have the first reaction but your ex-girlfriend has the second one? Maybe nothing. You go your separate ways and deal with your feelings on your own. Or...maybe she makes it your problem that she can't let go.

If you tell her goodbye and she just doesn't seem willing to accept the break, you'll have to figure out the best way to handle her. You should know her pretty well, but sometimes you find out things about your sweetie that you didn't expect after a breakup.

Goodbye Glitch #1: When She's Needy
If she keeps calling or dropping by to ask why you don't love her, you're in an awkward spot. You don't want to be mean, but you want her to let go and, basically, get out of your life, right? Minimize contact with her, and tell any of her friends who ask that you don't plan on backpedaling. Tell her a few positives that came out of the relationship, but emphasize that you just don't have those feelings for her anymore.

Goodbye Glitch #2: When She's Nasty
Sometimes those feelings of love turn very bitter when a girl feels rejected. She was close to you, so she knows things about you that other people don't. She may bring up your personal demons to cause you hurt, either in private conversations or by spreading gossip among your friends. Tell her straight up that this tactic makes her someone whom you and other friends don't want to be around. Let her know that her actions make her look bad more than hurting you. Tell her that you thought she was a wonderful person and that you want her to move on and find someone who will make her happy. Keep your interactions neutral and firm.

Goodbye Glitch #3: When She's Nutty
Unless...she gets violent toward you or your property. If she damages your belongings, slashes your tires or hits you, you will need to tell her that you plan to file a police report and get a restraining order. If her violent behavior continues at all, then follow through and go to the police or an attorney. When she's teetering on the edge of a breakdown or clearly over the line, take action to stop her threatening behavior before it gets worse.

No matter which negative reaction your ex has to the split, do not let her make you feel guilty. You told her how you felt and ended the relationship. Stuff happens. People's feelings change. It's natural for her to feel hurt and resentful that you don't want to be with her anymore. It's not natural for you to take all the blame and stay involved in this negative emotional dynamic. The point is for you to get clear of her emotional soul sucking. Be kind to her if you can, but be firm in moving away from her and on with your own life.

Most important of all, use your new freedom to get involved in positive activities with friends so that you'll be ready when the time is right to start a new, healthy relationship.

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