Should You Play Hard to Get?

One of the most common pieces of dating advice you'll hear is to play hard to get in order to get the girl. So how do you show interest but not too much? Here are a few suggestions for letting her conquer you.

Give Her Some Time
True, there's a definite danger in falling all over a potential sweetheart at the start. Give her time to get to know you. If you come on too strong, too fast, you might scare her away. It's OK to be genuinely enthusiastic about spending time with her, but don't tell her you love her on the second date. She wants to develop feelings for you gradually. In the beginning, dating about twice a week is a comfortable start.

Expect the Counterattack
Remember, though, that she's getting the same advice you are - to play it cool and not be too available. If she's responding to a date invitation with, "Sorry, I have plans that night," you might have a situation on your hands. She might be inventing plans so that you don't think she's waiting around for your call. Or she might be seeing someone else because you're playing hard to get and not showing enough interest. It's going to be tough forming a close relationship if you're both busy acting like you don't care all that much.

Give Her a Challenge
Clearly, most women like a man who's confident - and a bit of a challenge. The girl you desire wants a guy who has his own life and doesn't drop everything for her. Continue to make plans with friends, and keep them. Even if you really want to drive over to her house - fast! - the minute she calls and snuggle up on the sofa with her, don't!

Dangers of the Play
If you're busy too often, she'll assume you're not interested in her. Planning to be unavailable occasionally is not the same thing as showing lack of interest in dating her. Also, on those nights that you choose to go out with the guys instead of her, be careful about the stories you tell later. Don't try to make her jealous by recounting how many girls hit on you or how you danced all night. That approach will backfire.

Mutual Respect
In the end, the advice about playing hard to get doesn't work. The "playing" part is wrong. Just show respect and it will work out OK. That means respecting yourself by not running to her every time she calls. That means respecting your friends and your plans with them - don't dump your buddies for your girl. That also means respecting your sweetie and the activities she's scheduled. Don't expect her to jump at the chance to meet you at the bar in an hour.

Furthermore, respect your potential as a couple by planning ahead. Give her a chance to get excited about your date, and let her know she's important in the midst of your busy schedule. Think about your goal - you'll need to get past the games at some point if you're going to have a real relationship.

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