Be a Buddy: Speak Up or Shut Up

So your best buddy has a girl that he's head over heels hot for, but you don't think she's such a great match for him. Do you tell him or keep quiet? It kind of depends on the reasons you don't think she's good enough for him.

Speak Up or Shut Up?
You Don't Like Her
If the problem is just that the girl rubs you the wrong way - she's too loud or a know-it-all - then butt out. Likewise, if you're worried your friend has lost his backbone because he caters to her needs and ignores his buddies - that's your problem, not his. You can't possibly know all the reasons your friend finds her attractive - maybe she's kind and thoughtful in private and has the kind of intelligence he finds stimulating. Or maybe they both enjoy cycling together and he likes her healthy lifestyle. Or maybe she's the kind of girl who'll watch football, drink beer and eat nachos with him. Don't judge her too soon, or your bro might judge you disposable.

Speak Up or Shut Up?
She's Not Trustworthy
If you've got some inside info that you think your buddy doesn't know, think long and hard before sharing. Does a friend of a friend claim to know that she got arrested for shoplifting? Did you hear that she cheated on her last boyfriend? Maybe you've seen her out flirting with other guys? You need to realize before you speak up that your friend has developed a bond with his sweetheart. Although your bond with him goes way back, love runs deep and strong. He might resent your meddling and already know some of these things about his sweetie. Then he'll view you as a meddling, jealous friend - the kind he doesn't want to hang with when he's with her. Who do you think he'll choose?

Speak Up or Shut Up?
Rushing Into Marriage
So you're blown away because your bro is already talking marriage with his new girlfriend. Hold up before you speak up! If you talk trash about his sweetie, she could end up as his wife. Then you'll be that guy who disrespected her. Try a more subtle approach. Help him explore the pros and cons of moving so fast into a permanent bond. What will the particular challenges be? What does he love about her? What doesn't he know about her yet? Whatever you do, don't blatantly try to talk him out of his feelings for this girl he sees as The One.

In any of these scenarios, your course of action depends on what you know. If she's got a criminal past that he doesn't know about or a crazy ex who might come after your buddy, then speak up. But no matter what you say, don't present your friend with a me-or-her ultimatum. With all her flaws, she could still end up being his until-death-do-us-part partner. And you might end up his ex best friend, despite your good intentions.

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Try These Pickup Lines

  • I hate to see you leave, but from here it's great to watch you go.
  • So, you want to make out or what?
  • Hey, babe. Nice tooth.
  • I don't know much about your future, but I know you have a beautiful background.
  • Do you go out with ex-cons?