Beyond the Twins Fantasy

OK, so we all know that many guys have this fantasy about twins. We can all laugh about that imaginary hookup. But there's another twin fantasy that's not so funny.

You may not even realize you're holding tight to this one.

Think about it - could it be that you're having trouble finding the right woman because you're expecting your dream girl to be your twin? If you have very little tolerance for women who are different from you, then you might have a taste for twins - you and her. And this hidden fantasy could be your downfall.

Duplication Indication #1
If your online dating profile includes a long list of qualities you seek in a mate, including specific interests and ways of relating to the world, then you might be harboring a hidden twin fantasy. In other words, she should be just like you, right? Dream on! You mention that you don't want to be changed or controlled. But if your potential sweetheart doesn't match up with you perfectly, then you want her to adapt to your style. Hmm, is that fair and realistic? You don't really want to date a puppet who lets you pull her strings do you?

Duplication Indication #2
When you meet a new woman, if you're mentally seeking only common character traits and dismissing differences, then you might be harboring a hidden twin fantasy. When she mentions the foods she likes, you tell her how similar your tastes are. When she mentions favorites that turn you off, you tell her what's wrong with those choices. If that's the case, you're trying to make the menu fit your mold. Let her excite your taste buds with some new flavors!

Duplication Indication #3
If she mentions sports she's involved in and you immediately turn the conversation toward your own, more exciting interests, then you might be harboring a hidden twin fantasy. Let's say she's enthusiastically describing her latest beach volleyball game, do you find yourself telling her why volleyball is inferior to tennis? Do you decline her kayaking invitation and tell her how much better results she can get from cycling? You're not seeking a partner; you're seeking your clone. If you exercise some different muscles, you might enjoy the thrill of testing yourself in new ways.

Duplication Indication #4
When the mood strikes to listen to music or watch a movie together, you may find yourself unable to tolerate her less familiar choices. If that's the case, then you might be harboring a hidden twin fantasy. You want her to appreciate your taste in music. So share the reasons why you like string quartets, but ask her why she likes country music as well. Much as you'd like to be, you're not really perfect. Give yourself a chance to grow and experience new sights and sounds. You might actually find that you enjoy her romantic movie choices as much as your raunchy buddy comedies.

If you really want to be part of a dynamic duo, you'll need to respect and appreciate the differences you and your girl can bring to the relationship. Encourage her special interests and be open to personal growth. Share your preferences as well, but not in a "my-way-or-the-highway" approach. Compatibility usually requires complementary features, not identical ones. You'll expand your options for happiness if you can give up the twin fantasy and look for a partner who helps you live your dreams.

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