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It doesn't matter whether you're rolling in it or begging for table scraps. If you're a tightwad it's something that's not likely to change soon. Take some time out from collecting those scraps of soap and take our cheapskate test. Don't worry, it's free!

1. How much are you willing to spend on a first date?
The sky's the limit as long as there's a pay-off, if you catch my drift.
My financial adviser recommends $20 to $25.
What first date? I'd pay someone just to say ''hi.''
I only go out with liberated types who insist on ''Dutch treat.''
I invite the dames over to my broom closet for some tap water.

2. Where do you spend most of your loot?

Tuning up the Porsche.
My lady's designer clothing costs a bundle.
The corner tavern has a mainline to my wallet. But my liver doesn't look like Swiss cheese--yet!
Spend?! It's sitting in Swiss bank accounts. You don't want to know!
At Kmart; who said the days of the ''BlueLight Special'' were over?

3. What's your concept of luxury?

Turning the air conditioner on on my own personal island.
Drinking champagne out of Penelope Cruz's shoe in my hot tub.
I stay for two films at dollar movie night.
My best pal drives me around in my Gremlin. I ride in the back.
Adding a little ground beef to my Hamburger Helper.

4. What would you say or do if your best friend asked to borrow five grand?

I'd give him $10,000!
I'd ask, ''How much for the girl?'' in a fake accent.
Start laughing like a hyena and show him my credit card bills.
Can you say ''indentured servant?''
First we'd discuss the 50 percent annual interest.

5. What's your most embarrassing penny-pinching scheme?

Trading in the Lamborghini for a Lexus.
Watering down the Dom Perignon with Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.
Buying clothes, wearing them once, and returning them.
Breaking into my 9-year-old's piggy bank
Re-using coffee grounds. If you don't like it, I'll finish it.

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