1. What are your experiences with higher education?
I have received a graduate degree from an institution of higher learning.
Maybe once. I can't remember (I drank a lot in school).
Hell, I got my "B.S.," whatever that means.
Me? I'm just a "perma-student." My motto is keep on learnin'.
Who needs educatin'? I'm enrolled in the school of life.
2. Have you ever won big time on "Millionaire," "The Weakest Link," or in a second grade spelling bee?
What does the "b" stand for in spelling bee?
Yes, Regis showed me the money.
That's right! And I don't take any lip from that nazi British lady neither.
If possible, I'd like to be a millionaire.
I am the weakest link.
3. How do you spend your free time?
Nothing's free, dude.
I read the classics of world literature, while listening to Chopin.
I scope out dudes/chicks while holding up a book by Nietsche.
I hang out, drinkin' and smokin' with my lame-brained buddies.
The World Wrestling Federation is like religion for me.
4. What's the smartest thing you've ever done?
Hell, I'm taking this test, aren't I?
I've made monumental discoveries, like the time I found a cure for cancer.
I eventually dumped that evil &%#@$ I was dating. Pretty smart, huh?
When you're this good looking, who cares what you've done?
Me done lotsa real smart stuff. What? You no believe?
5. Perception is reality. How smart do you think you are?
Could you repeat the question?
My middle name is Einstein.
Everyone tells me I'm a wise guy, and I'd have to agree with them.
My intelligence is artificial and average.
Just call me "El Stupido," por favor.