1. How do you act at a party?
I get a little dizzy after one glass of 'bubbly.' I'm like a sponge, soaking up the sights and suds. How do I act? People stopped inviting me to parties years ago. I'm the one with the lampshade/feather boa on, passed out in the middle of the floor clutching my quart of PBR. I'm usually trying to strike up conversations with the cleaning lady. 2. What do you think of old people?
I just love their goofy stories! Those crazy old people... Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, whatever that means. On the road, I usually nudge their bumpers to get them moving along. I wish they would all move to Florida or Arizona. No, I'm not kidding! I can't get enough of them! Could you pass me the oatmeal? 3. How do you end a relationship?
Buy them a gift and explain how incapable I am of maintaining a relationship. I usually just change my address, phone number, and enter a witness protection program. Run like hell! I've got this great crying act that I pull out of a hat whenever necessary. Well, it works! 'Oh solo mio!' They leave me--I'm always the one left empty handed. 4. How responsible are you?
I usually make sure to pay my friends interest when I borrow money. Well, it's kind of a subjective thing, isn't it? I can't really hold a job, but I'm always able to weasel people out of money, etc. I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it... Every man for himself! Get the hell outta my way, buck-o. Checkbook is balanced, mortgage paid, garden de-weeded. 5. What were your favorite childhood activities?
Hopscotch, badminton, cricket, feeding my polo pony. The occasional fistfight out on the playground. It involved slingshots, windows, and sometimes birds. Beatin' up snot-nosed, smart aleck Internet jerks, who ask stupid questions like this one. Working for my allowance, sifting the sandbox for 'kitty treasures.'