1. Have you ever cheated on an exam?
No, never. I'm insulted you even asked.
Maybe once. I can't remember (I drank a lot in school).
A couple times, but the teachers were real jerks.
Hell, yes. That's how I got my license to practice medicine.
Not sure. Does my driving test count?
2. Have you ever seen a pornographic movie?
I refuse to see movies that are beyond PG.
Yeah, but I was drunk at a stag party so it doesn't really count.
I own a couple tasteful adult films.
Seen them? Hell, I've starred in more than a dozen!
Umm, does "Debbie Does Dallas" count? I thought it was a travel film, honest!
3. Have you ever taken illegal drugs (marijuana, hash, etc.)?
They're illegal. I would never break the law!
I experimented in college, but I never inhaled.
I occasionally smoke dope but only if I'm sure I won't get caught.
Is the pope Catholic? Pass the bong this way, Cheech!
I had a brownie at a grateful Dead concert once, but it was only because I was hungry.
4. Have you ever stolen anything?
Stealing is wrong! What kind of animal are you?
Once I was really broke and had a bad case on the munchies, so I did a little Frito Bandito.
Sometimes it's a real kick to see if you can sneak past the security cameras.
Where do you think I got this new Porsche? I certainly didn't work for it!
I forgot to leave a tip once. Does that count?
5. Have you ever cheated on your partner?
I would never do such a thing! I'll never take one of these disgusting quizzes again!
Umm, I was drunk at that stag party and the, umm, stripper offered to, well, you know.
It depends on whether you consider the ''100 Mile Rule.''
More times than I can count. I guess I'm just too adorable.
I looked at someone with lust in my heart once.